Clean Sweep For Awful Dodgers!

For those sports fans  in boring desk jobs, who spend their work days vicariously living their sporting dreams through the news feed of the BBC Sport web-site, the 16th September 2010 was a sad day. Cricket legend, and pedalo hirer's worst nightmare, Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff announced his retirement from all forms of cricket. The people's champion all-drinking all-rounder is a sad loss to the the UK's sporting tradition.

However fame's finger is notoriously fickle and a vacancy was created for some new sporting legend to fill the void......its just so happened that on that same day, in the little known indoors sporting venue of T47 tucked under the railway arches of London Bridge station, some pretenders to the crown staked their claim.

'The Awful Dodgers' made their long awaited debut in the Dodgeball UK London Premier League (of London).

In the early days of Flintoff's career he acquired the nickname of "Freddie" deriving from a combination of a lazy journalist's loose grap of alliteration and his resemblances in baulk to the Hanna-Barbara cartoon hero "Fred Flintstone". The "Awful Dodger's had an answer. In James "Blackdog" Blackmore and Ladywell's own John "Monster" Murray they provided  two new sporting hero's with rocket arms and imposing physique. Jason Coggles, with his self imbued nickname of 'Twinkle Toes' even provided some artistic bedrock to the Dodgers squad with visions of Flintstone's infamous bowling run-up.

Flat Caps distributed, trousers torn and 'soot' applied we were ready for battle.

v The Jammie Dodgers
V.Luu, K.Winter, R.Sugden, S.Barrett, J.Murray, J.Coggles

Formed by an invitee to the Dodger's fold, whom so enthused by the idea of Dodgeball,  went off and formed her own team, the JDs provided the ADs with an instant grudge match. Trash had been talked. The Jammie Dodger's had threatned to cause the Awful dodger's to crumble in their presence.

It turned out that  Jammie Dodger's could not rely on luck alone. The JD's showed less resistance than a Rich Tea biscuit dunked in a scalding cup of tea than any glorified jam sandwich.

The Awful Dodger's ran out easy 2-0 winners in a game only notable for J.Murray's 'friendly fire' attack on the back of Twinkle Toes head. Thankfully own goals are not yet recognised in the Dodgeball rulebook.

Result: Awful Dodgers 2 Jammie Dodgers 0

v The Opium Addicted China Men
K.Winter, S.Barrett, J.Murray, J.Blackmore, L.Robin, E.Pearce

The OAD beat the Awful Dodger's hands down in one sense. Their silk gowns and chop- stick hair accessories put our Chimney Sweep Primark costume's firmly into place. These guys were taking Dodgeball seriously.

Fortunately, the drug of victory, was still solidly pumping through the veins of the Awful Dodger's and in a game, that often threatened to sway too and throw, was wrapped up by the Dodger's in another 2-0 victory. However, make no mistake, the Opium Addicted China Men showed definite signs of waking from torpor and are expected to improve. Our next meeting is eagerly anticipated.

Result: Awful Dodgers 2 Opium Addicted China Men 0

v Can't Dodge This
v V.Luu, J.Coggles, R.Sugden, J.Blackmore, L.Robin, E.Pearce

 C.D.T. (as well as being my worst subject at school) proved the most disappointing team in terms of costume. Printed t-shirts, face make-up and oriental gowns were sadly lacking from a team that should have promised over-sized baggy trousers. With captain Steven Barrett sitting this one out the sidelines the Awful Dodgers were briefly thrown into confusion by the lack of MC Hammer influence on the C.D.T. Our primary tactic of shouting "Stop" - taking out the entire team with dodgeball's as they froze - and then calling "Hammer Time" to witness them waking up bemused from their 1990 hip-hop coma - had been blown out of the water.

Instead school boy errors crept in, most notably, when Fred attempted an ill-advised catch around his ankles. His explanation in the bar afterwards?

"I was trying to create a distraction, giving my teammates an opportunity to attack, but they just shook their heads and tutted"

 was forgiven as more great team work lead to a comfortable victory. This despite one member of the C.D.T. repeatedly defying the very meaning of her team's name. Well played!

Result: Awful Dodgers 2 Can't Dodge This 0

3 wins out of 3 are figures Freddie wouldn't have sniffed at. A enormously encouraging show of teamwork by the inaugral Awful Dodgers. In tribute to Andy F, many celebration jugs of beer were consumed in T47's bar afterwards. At one point it looked like Mark Skyes (Chief cheerleader and dodgeball hooligan) would head the team towards the locally moored Golden Hinde, pull anchor, and sail for Gillingham.

Thankfully that never happened. Instead next week holds some truly tougher tests including a potential top of the table clash against SWAT and the opportunity to pit my wit's against the now infamous 'Dodgeball Mourinho'.




A historic moment. The Awful Dodger's line up for their first match



Jason and Vii prepare for battle.

Steve delivers a last minute pep talk