Tuesday, 3 May 2011

The Blagger's guide to trying not to lose too badly at Dodgeball.

Hi Kids,
In years to come when the Awful Dodgers meet the Really Awful Dodgers in the World Dodgeball Club Cup Final experts may well point towards this simple guide as the source of that success.
Alternatively, when both teams get relegated this will be the smoking gun that is used to oust me from my coaching role in a kangaroo court.
Follow these steps and who knows what might happen.
Team selection:
Firstly, this season I won’t be making 3 substitutions between games as it really confuses things. Instead the ball person only will swap with one player. Oh, and turn up on time!
Identify the other team’s best player: And single him out for early elimination.
At the Rush: Go on the ‘B’ of the Bang. I’ve only just picked up on this but I find that if I watch the referee blow the whistle rather than listening for it its worth a couple of yards to beat your opponent to the ball J
During the Game:
Aim Low:
To quote Peter le Fleur:

"I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.”
The Average Joe’s slogan of ‘Aim Low’ at first glance points towards a lack of inspiration. At the same time. If you aim low. YOU DON’T GET CAUGHT!!!
Don’t go for catches early on: The main benefit of catches is to get players back in. If no one’s out and you spill a catch we’re a player down and you look very silly!
Leave the oppositions weak throwers alone.There’s no point in knocking them out early. If someone is dollying up easy catches early doors save them for the end game. They’ll invariably throw away their wicket. Concentrate on trying to make the strong throwers concentrate on having to dodge.
Double up:Talk to each other and co-ordinate your throws. Two balls are harder to dodge than one.
Watch the numbers.If we’re a couple of players up (If you can imagine such a thing!) slow the game down and make sure you don’t get caught. If we're down and time if running out you've got carte blanche to dive around like a fool!
The Dark Arts: Girls: Try hiding the small ball behind your back and sneaking up on unsuspecting victims. This tactic has been perfected by Vi!
And above all: Enjoy yourself. It’s not all about winning. Believe me!
See you at the bar!