Tuesday, 15 November 2011

I'm Dreaming of a White (Goodman) Christmas.......aka Kyla and Tom's Farewell.

Hi guys,

You must have been so amazed by my own idea for a Christmas fancy dress for the Awful Dodgers that you felt embarrassed to submit your own ideas. As a result we're going with...

CATCH IT, CRATCHIT as our team name.

The theme is.....Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol.

In keeping with The Awful Dodgers I can happily donate any of our flat caps and scarves to the cause.

The team line-up will be:

  1. Bob Crachitt
  2. Tiny Tim Crachitt (anyone got any crutches?)
  3. Mr Fezziwig
  4. Mrs Fezziwig
  5. Ghost O'Christmas Past
  6. Ghost O' Christmas Present (come as a Christmas Present)
  7. Ghost O'Christmas to Come (scary ass dude)
  8. Jacob Marley
  9. Ebeneezer Scrooge
Plyer confirmed so far:

  • Steven Barrett - Scrooge
  • Simon Obee - Jacob Marley
  • Kyla Winter
  • Tom Stubbs
  • Sarah Tessier - Tiny Tim
  • Will Cheverton
  • Sean Broughton
  • David Jackson
  • Rachael Morris
  • Alastair Hegarty
  • Jill Hawker
  • Richard Djaelani
  • Sarah Slocombe (new player)
  • Kathleen Murphy (new player)
  • Xavier (Kathleen's partner) (new player)
The details are:
£90 per team, group stages then knockout
Prizes for best dressed team, competition winners + more
Annual Mince-Pie eating competition + silly games

So that's £10 each if we get 9 players.

Drinks afterards in Ladywell/Lewisham at the Ravensbourne Arms?Here's some inpsiration for the costumes:

Bob Cratchit

Tiny Tim

The Fezziwig's

Ghost of Christmas Present

Ghost of Christmas Past

Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come


Monday, 14 November 2011

Team for Wednesday 16th November - Bar Kick 1830

Last week of the season for The Really Awful Dodgers with some bonus games. Unless we screw it up and finish in 5th place.

We do have the opportunity to have an influence on who makes finals night also and help Andy Davies favourite team The Honey Badgers.

We don't start straight away but let's meet up for one last time this season. Bar Kick 1830.

  1. Ali Cark
  2. Andy Davies
  3. Raphael Emerich
  4. Mitch Fernandez
  5. Jill Hawker
  6. Alastair Hegarty
  7. David Jackson
  8. Rachael Morris
  9. Simon Obee
v The Dodgebetweeners (Won 1, Lost 1)
v Magic (Won 1, Lost 1)
v Team Merdeboite (Won 1, Lost 1)

plus 2 wooden wrench play offs if we finish in the bottom 3.

See you then

Up for grabs!

Typo of the week!

We've been proud to include Brockley Bags' excellent logo on the back of our new shirts this season. You may even call it a sponsor.

However do we want to be associated with the 'filth' Simon has been posting on social network site Twitter?
...some of us probably do!

Simon claims the reason for this magical typo was because he is still trying to get to grips with posting from his new phone. Either way I've volunteered myself for the Braxfield Road grocery run on Saturday morning ;-)

Simon Obee (@Brockley_Bags)
12/11/2011 14:24
Look at all the vag I picked up at @BrockleyMarket yfrog.com/h75zfmpj

Wonderful. It made my Saturday. Thanks Simon!

Bored at work? Dare you click the link to the picture attached?......trust me its perfectly innocent.

Friday, 4 November 2011

Match Reports: Wednesday 19th October 2011

According to Wikipedia:
Man flu is a pejorative term that refers to the idea many men, when they have a cold, exaggerate and claim they have the flu — the implication being that women do not do so.

It also states that there has been some scientific research that supports this theory.

Upon further investigation however the theory becomes a lot more shaky:

Here comes the science bit!
 "The study had nothing to do with the flu (the experiment was related to bacterial , not viral, infection) and was performed on genetically modified mice rather than human beings, so the results are not necessarily applicable to humans."
To further counter the term I'd like to submit this weeks team-sheet as evidence debunking this theory. Both teams were very strong in terms of lads available. Proving that the males in the squad were definitely not mice, but men!

The girls on the other had were low in numbers due to sickness and work commitments. So much so that there wasn't a single 'first team' girl available to us. Vara was being thrown straight into the first team, black-eye and all and Jill and Rachael were having to double up for both teams.

First up were the Really Awful Dodgers. Making his debut for the 'reserves' was your truly who would no doubt he blamed for any cessation for the recent upturn in form!

v JustDodging (justgiving.com)

Our previous encounter with JustDodging resembled bullying made acceptable by organised sport when their team of young girls where quickly dismissed off court for The RAD's FIRST EVER WIN.
However, the team lining up this week had a substantial increase in Y chromosomes amongst them, and sporty ones at that! A match that was pencilled in as a 'definate 3 points' quickly slid away from the team and it looked like we were in for another long hard evening of defeats.

Result: The Really Awful Dodgers 0 JustDodging (justgiving.com) 0

v Team Merdeboite

After my disastrous performance in our last match when I tried to lead from the front and was 'cut up' by Andy Davies and eliminated pretty quickly I decided it was time to sit back and provide a reliable anchor for the rest of the team to express themselves. It clearly had an effect. TM are a typical mid-table side. Brilliant one set, wiped of the court in seconds the next. Just like us. Which team would have the extra desire to win through? It was time for someone to stand up and be counted. In his second outing for the team Richard Banks was again proving that he's one of the squads strongest all-rounders. A decent arm, a few catches and an increasing tactical awareness had steel to the RAD's spine. Thank God for that as well because I definitely remember after having ruthlessly eliminated one of their girls at close range I tried it again when their other lady and only succeeded in throwing a catch straight into her arms. Rich kept us (and got me back in the game) but it was time for someone else to step up and finish the job.
The player was Jill who was delighted to finish off their last player with one of those lightning shots to the ankles with the small ball that are so feared by even the most grizzled Dodgeballer. Huge congrats to Jill.

Result: The Really Awful Dodgers 2 Team Merdeboite 1

v Magic

Looking at the league table and previous form this match was only going to end one way. Defeat. However, if rumours were true. Magic were one of the chief offenders in last weeks 'Mikegate' furoe and judging by the unfamiliar looking team line up (some of them didn't have team shirts...shock!) it looks like some of their more 'combative' players had got the message that their behaviour wasn't welcome at Dodgeball UK.
They'd already suffered a couple of uncharacteristic defeats earlier in the evening and it was clear that the replacements weren't up to scratch. However they still had enough in the locker to provide a stiff test.
During the course of the match their quality was enough to secure one set and their new players enough to cost them the other. With the final decider just about to start I was delighted to see that one of their players with a decidedly easy throw to catch was on the court.
Despite my shouts across court that 'the guy in the blue t-shirt is catchable' he continued to through lose balls that were just waiting to be snaffled up. He really should listen to the opposition or had be been completely psyched out?
After one of his throws was comfortably taken by myself Magic were still fighting hard and had catchers of their own who managed to get 'our man' back on court.
With a ball in my hand ready to kneel down and defend I noticed he was about tho throw again.Sure enough it was in the air and around head height. Throwing my ball away I leapt like a goalkeeper taking a cross to turn the numbers around. Which is amazing...because when I played in goal for my school I was hopeless at coming out for crosses.
The job still needed to be finished at it was an exponent of the egg-chasing team game who sealed the match. It was even sides and nearly sudden death when, up close and in the front lime (row) the ball was thrown at Andy D's legs.
Like any good prop forward Andy crouched, paused and engaged the ball taking a solid low catch.
Andy clearly thought it was a match winner which was clearly evident in his celebrations.
Luckily Andy's jump for joy was enough to evade a through from their remaining team member who realised there was still time on the clock.
Phew...an excellent result proving The Really Awful Dodger's are no longer the league mugs.

Result: The Really Awful Dodgers 2 Magic 1

With barely time to catch their breath Rachel and Jill were pressed into action in the Premier League. How would they fare?

A late team change saw Vara's boyfriend ash pressed into action for the first team. How would having two complete rookies and no girls with any Premier league experience affect the team?

The Awful Dodgers

v Jammie D's - The original

Going into this match after four seasons our record against the Jammie Dodger's read:
Played 8 Won 4 Lost 4

The JD's are probably the closest to us in terms of experience and ability. One week they can be awesome. the next week they will lose all of their games. Either way our matches are always fiercely contested with a great deal of sportsmanship.
There was still nothing to separate the sides after two sets and with both of their star players on court Christina Wong and some guy called Camel Tow we were in for a tough ride. Judging by a weakened side they put out in their next game it was clear they were targeting our fixture as a must win.
Into the final set it looked like the gamble had paid off. They were up in numbers and seemingly counting down to victory.
If you cast your mind back to our last match against the Jammie D's it was once again Richard Djaelani who turned the tide in the last match. Fellow baldy Christian Mills must now see Richard in his nightmares as it was again he who provided Rich with an excellent catch before a swift counter attack from an unknown source eliminated Camel Toe.
Just about to celebrate victory JD's manager Sarah Skyte looked absoultely devasted as it became clear we'd turned it around in the last seconds to seal victory.
Writing this report in hindsight means that this moment can be singled out as one of the most significant in ensuring we qualified for finals night with a week to spare. However..there was still work to be done.

The Awful Dodgers 2 Jammie D's - The Original 1

v Balls Deep

This match displayed how close the league is this season and how lucky we were to come up against the new teams earlier in the season. A glance at the league table would have made this look like one of the easiest games of the season. Especially as the previous victory had been a credit to the Premier League debutants. Despite the fact we'd never been in the same division as them before this is Balls Deep 3rd season and have embarrassed us in a One Set Wonder Night previously despite being bottom of their division. Was this defeat due to inexperience of our new players or are Balls deep our bogey team. Every sports team has one. Some bunch of duffers we just can't beat.
This game was easily winnable but somehow we let it slip through our fingers.

The Awful Dodgers 1 Balls Deep 2

v Ball Out War

Last year's champions were struggling in the league and we'd already seem them off twice however this time one of their weaker girls was missing and who do they replace her with? That's right. The un-hittable Christina Wong with a deadly arm to boot. Suddenly the teams weren't so even and the first set was quickly lost.
However a stunning performance in the 2nd set with new Canadian Brandon Davis proving he's quickly developing into a Dodgeball star meant that we went into the final set.
It was at this point and a place in final's night on the cards that my competitive spirit (and few too many beers) got the better of me. What could the team possibly need after polishing off the opposition in fine style. That's write....a drunken captain hustling his way way onto the court as a substitute...oh dear,,,in hindsight I'm embarrassed.
In my defence I didn't play too badly but maybe the disruption to the team spirit was telling. The set and match went against us. However all things consider a haul of 5 points from tonight's fixtures was a more than acceptable result.

The Awful Dodgers 1 Ball Ot War 2

Players of the week were Jill Hawker and Rachael Morris who stepped up into the Premier League seemlessly and played a lot of Dodgeball when we needed them.

Excellent effort!

Monday, 31 October 2011

Team for Wednesday 2nd November - Meet 1830 Bar Kick

The 2nd November....its a kind of halfway house between Halloween and Bonfire Night.

Will we celebrating with a rendition of Katie Perry's 'Firework' or will poor performances give us ghoulish nightmares....come to think of it I'd prefer neither.

2 teams this week split over 5 games. One squad of 6 starting early and the remainder will fulfil the last three fixtures (now incorporating Dave Jackson's revolutionary squad rotation scheme based on Cambridge University maths.)

I've based the teams on how early people usually turn up, how much they've played before and who's most likely to at the end for further drinks....oh and I've tried to make them evenly matched..... and we're playing The London Artful Dodgers twice, so we'll mess with their heads by playing 2 different teams against them....and the switching over between matches will no doubt please referee T-M :-)
....Its going to be chaos!!

The Really Awful Dodgers 'Early' 2 games - unchanged team. (Start 1930)
  • Andrew Davies
  • Alastair Hegarty
  • Jill Hawker
  • Chad Locke (debut)
  • Simon Obee
  • Girl (TBC)
v Cojones (Match 1)
v The London Awful Dodgers (Match 4)

The Really Awful Dodgers 'Late' (no, not in the T4 way) - Start 1945
  • Steven Barrett
  • Will Cheverton
  • Ali Clark (debut)
  • Mitch Fernandez
  • David Jackson
  • Michael McCaw (debut)
  • Rachel Morris
  • Steph (Mike's better half) (debut)
  • Jesse Wilkins
v JustDodging (justgiving.com) (Match 2)
v The Dodgebetweeners (Match 3)
v The Artful Dodgers (Match 5)

Monday, 24 October 2011

Team for Wednesday 26th October - Meet 1830 Bar Kick

A great turn out by the girls this week.

And some of the team will be proudly wearing the new T-shirts!

Its only Premier League games this week and with the season drawing to a close its a great time to secure a final night spot or start our traditional end of season slump!

I think 6 ooints will do it but most importantly. Lets smash Stedders off the court!

The Awful Dodgers - 1915 start

  1. Steve Barrett
  2. Alexandra Bono
  3. Sean Broughton
  4. Raphael Emerich
  5. David Jackson
  6. Karen Leite
  7. Tom Stubbs
  8. Sarah Tessier
  9. Kyla Winter
v Dodgeball UK Heart Throbs
v Balls Deep
v Ball Busters

Monday, 17 October 2011

Team Confirmation: 19th October 2011

A good show from the lads. We need a couple more girls to cover for Kyla and Alex.

The Really Awful Dodgers start first.
Meet 1830  Bar Kick 1830 for a swift half before being ready for 1900.

If anyone wants to swap starts we can do that this week. Look who is playing for the Really Awful Dodgers this week!!

The Really Awful Dodgers (start 1900)
  1. Richard Banks
  2. Steven Barrett
  3. Andrew Davies
  4. Jill Hawker
  5. Alastair Hegarty
  6. David Jackson
  7. Simon Obee
  8. Rachael Morris
  9. Girl (TBC)
v JustDodging (Justgiving.com)
v Team Merdeboite
v Magic

The Awful Dodgers (start 2015 approx)

  1. Will Cheverton
  2. Brandon Davis
  3. Richard Djaelani
  4. Raphael Emerich
  5. John Murray
  6. Tom Stubbs
  7. Sarah Tessier
  8. Vara Arnold
  9. Girl (TBC)
v Jammie Dodgers - The Original
v Balls Deep
v Ball Out War

Good Luck everyone.

Friday, 14 October 2011

Match Reports: 12th October: "Haven't we seen you somewhere else before?"

Having won seven matches in a row and and rather bizarley finding ourselves yop of the league this was still ti be our first week without Vi :-(

How would the team cope? On the plus side (a very angry) Kyla was back.

However,  with the flames from last weeks 'First Battle of Shoredicth' dying down it was the Really Awful Dodgers who arose from the ashes like a Phoenix to be the star team this week.

First up however were the Premier League Team. This week they welcomed new players Brandon Davis and Sarah Tessier into the squad who had shamelessly been fast-tracked into the first team on the basis that they were Canadian! Yes that's correct. That is the limit of my tactical genius.

The Awful Dodgers

v Dodgeball UK Heart-Throbs

With some of the squad reluctnat to leave the comfort of the Bar Kick sofas and Raphael 'Getting a London A-Z for Christmas' Emerich being guided in to the new venue by mobile phone. The first team were somewhat disorganised when they first arrived on court. The first game was going to be tough if 'as promised' Dodgeball UK supremo Andy Stedman was going to use the 'Heart-Throbs' as an invitational 'all-star' team. Indeed their first weeks set of results had been good winning 3/3 games against decent oppositon. They even selected 'yours truly'. However, thankfully for our unbeaten run it was an entirely different team that lined up against us.Hmmmm.....haven't we seen some of these players before.
If we were disorganised on court, Didgeball UK has been a mess behind the scenes. The promised presence of Dodgeball's  'Harlem Globetrotters' where not in evidence and instead we were faced with the team we seem to play EVERY WEEK. Schoolgirls & Ball Girls + league referee Terrie-May.
To their credit the replacements put up a valient resisitance proving that they are getting better every week. In fact at one point it looked like the match was going to go in their favour.
This wasn't the best performance by a long stretch by the Awful Dodgers however soem great throwing by Kyla who had now focuseed her day's anger on Dodgeball destruction saw us claw our way to another win.

Result: Awful Dodgers 2 Dodgeball UK Heart Throbs 1

v Schoolgirls & Ball-Girls
The old football chant goes.
"Can we play you every week?"
With School Girls & Ball Girls we seem to have got our wish. This week we effectively played them twice. With Raphael now in situ and raring to make his season debut we were confident that this match was going to be breeze........It wasn't......even though the final score suggests it was. THe SGs & BGs are fast improving rapidly but ultimately they had just played six matches on the tot and were knackered.
On the plus side they picked up their first win of the season and personally I'm glad to get our fixtures against them out of the way for this season. We've beat the 3 (four) times out of 3 (four) and 'm sure by the end of the season they will start beating a few teams who are near the top of the league. Thsi can only help us:-)
They are also a very socialble and decent team. we like playing them.

Result: The Awful Dodgers 2 Schoolgirls & Ball-Girls 0

v Busted Balls
Was this to be the '2nd Battle of Shoreditch'?
Well....in a word...No. Alex was devasted that her arch-nemisis was adsent from their team. Did the lack of this vital spark lead to the end of our nine match unbeaten run that had took us from our usual spot in the lower reaches of the league to the VERY TOP. Did we run out of steam or were a fully focussed Busted Balls simply too good for us?
Whatever the outcome our record breaking set of results have left us in a very healthy position to qualify for finals night:-) Onwards and upwards.

Result: The Awful Dodgers 0 Busted Balls 2

The its time for the hight light of the night!!

The Really Awful Dodgers

Having seen in prevuious week themselves be very much in the shade of their 'older siblings' the Really awful Dodgers had seen their role models falter for the first time. How would this influence their performance?

v The Dodgetweeners
Would the Really Awful Dodgers have the 'Will' to beat their first appointments or would they be be slightly 'Jay'ed by the previous weeks performances and late start.? Would any of them adopt my 'Neil'ing technique to help them win?.....and win they did. 'Simon' Obee was very please with the victory.
Thanks Simon for playing this week. I was really struggling to think of a 4th bad pun.

Result: The Really Awful Dodgers 2 The Dodgebetweeners 0
First 2-0 win ever!!!

v Magic
2 wins in a row? Could it be magic, now'?
Unfortunately it was. With their green t-shirts ready for week one and their decent results 'Magic' wouldn't be out of place in the Premier League. The Really Awful Dodgers were in for a tough game and were brought to ground with a bump. Its difficult to write a match report about a game that was over so quickly.

Result: The Really Awful Dodgers 0 Magic 2

v  The Honey Badgers
Let's watch the video again!!
Remeber this team? Remember their one key asset? The guy in the black T-shirt who was a really good catcher?.....No obviuosly not and this week he had changed T-shirts. How dare he!!!!
The Really Awful Dodgers who had played the previous week obviously couldn't remember him. However, this didn't matter so much as we had a ace catcher in our midst in Anton (or Bob) - apologies I haven't quite got to grips with differentialting Laura's friends from each other..
Whichever one it was (bright yellow/greenish T-shirt) pulled off a match turning diving wonder catch.
A hard fought and deserved victory in a very entertaining game against a team of very nice and sporting people. This is what Dodgeball is all about.
Well done. Beers all round.

Result: The Really Awful Dodgers 2 The Honey Badgers 1

v Cojones
A fourth game? Yes that's right. The fixtures computer has been playing up. More to follow on that one.
perhaps those beers weren't a great idea after all. They still had a decent team to play. A night of ups and downs ended in another 2-0 defeat, but hey in a week of ups and down at least they had 2 peaks.

Result: The Really Awful Dodgers 0 Cojones 2

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Vi for Victory in the First Battle of Shoreditch

The new venue with its dulled acoustics and new teams has got off to a very civil and gentlemanly start.
Things changed on Wednesday and that's why I call it the 'First' Battle of Shoreditch. There will probably be more. Hopefully not involving us too many times.

It was always going to be an emotional occasion with Vi playing her last ever game as a regular (I'm crossing my fingers for the odd guest appearance) before see returns to Germany. We new it was going to happen but it all seemed to happen so quickly.

However, Alex had brought her Mum to watch so surely we were all going to behave ourselves?!

First up were the Really Awful Dodgers fresh from their first competitive win. Would they build on this achievement?

v Cojones

Looking at the league tables this was going to be the toughest fixture of the night.
The day leading up to the games was spent desperately trying to get a fourth girl to play and thankfully Rachael came up with the goods and Helen Potter answered the call to make her Dodgeball debut at late notice. When we usually approach girls to play the first questions they ask. Does it hurt if I get hit in the face? My usual answer is no and it happens very rarely.
This was to prove entirely false to Helen in the very first minute she received a fast flung ball straight in the head. Staggering around slightly dazed we reassured her that she wasn't out and lived to fight another day. A second ball thrown in her direction took care of that.
This was to set the tone for the match which Cojones took comfortably.

Result: RADs 0 Cojones 2

v The Honey Badgers

Confidence was higher for the first leg of this double header against a team that had yet to win a match.
Easy?!......not so.
It soon became apparent that one of their players was an extremely good catcher. His catching ability good that this match led to the shortest ever career for a ball boy for Honey Badgers. Mine.
Somewhat naively the Honey Badgers asked me to be a ball boy. A decision they were to regret as soon as they started to steer away from the rules. Rather than concentrate on the task in hand I decided to berate the player returning prematurely. I'm sure it was an honest mistake but it was enough for me to realise that it was impossible for me to be a neutral ball boy.
After repeated throws at the master catcher the team quickly sudsided despite there being signs that it was indeed a winnable game.

Result: RADs 0 Honey Badgers 2

v Honey Badgers

"OK guys...remember the tactics. Don't throw at the  guy with the black t-shirt...he's third only good player"
So what happened? It was taken on board for at least one set....but otherwise.

Result RADs 1 Honey Badgers 2

It was over to the Awful Dodgers....but not before a crisis at the new venue. The bar fridge had run out of alcohol!!!!!!!

A swift trip to the off-license over the road soon fixed the problem. However, whilst other teams had the same idea and surepticiously snuck in bottles of San Miguel and Carlsberg (the beverages of choice of 'Bar Fridge' , Andy Davies waltzed in with a carrier bag of Fosters cans. Subtlety has never been his strong point!

The Awful Dodgers

v Schoolgirls & Ball-girls

In what now seems to be our weekly fixture against these guys we were determined to get off to a good start in what was definately the easiest of our fixtures and so it proved. Whereas last weeks game was a closer affair with a bit of early seson rustiness needing to be shaken off. This week proved that experience is a vastly under-rated. Nothing remarkable about this game. We left the excitement for later!

The Awful Dodgers 2 Schoolgirls & Ball-girls 0

v  Ball Out War

Was last weeks victory against the reigning champions a fluke? Au contraire.

The Awful Dodgers 2 Ball Out War 0

v Busted Balls

This match was always going to be a tough game which in all honesty we expected to lose. Buoyed by the previous two wins the momentum was taken through to the first set and in a game that swayed to and fro a couple of lucky breaks sealed the game for us.
A set down and facing a shock defeat Busted Balls had clearly had their feathers ruffled. A couple of 'non-walkers' in the 2nd set led to a change in mood in the set. I decided to get up to my old tricks of 'if you can't beat them, join them' and decided to ignore a hit i knew the referee hadn't seen....Yes...i know its wrong...but!..
This only further enraged the opposition and meanwhile across court Alex was having her own personnel battle with a French bird (now to be forever know as Chuckles) who kept on giving her the bird....shocking stuff. Ultimately the set was lost but the red touch paper had been lit for the final set.
After realising that my presence on court wasn't going to help matters and that I was playing shocking Dodgeball due to the amount of alcohol consumed the decision was taken to withdraw myself from the action.
I'd like to think that the realisation that this was Vi's last ever set for us spurred us onto one of our best ever performances. Well if that's the case. We should have someone leave every week....oh, I think that's already been happening (last season!)
The final set of the evening was secured and Vi left us in a very healthy state TOP OF THE LEAGUE!!!

You'll be glad to know V ialso left with a bottle of Campari in her hand :-)

Awful Dodgers 2 Busted Balls 1

Saturday, 8 October 2011

Competition Time: Win a Free Week of Dodgeball for the Awful Dodgers or Really Awful Dodgers.

We've had our badge for nearly a year now but what is the back story behind the picture?

Who is the little fella being apprehended by the bobby? (Name and Surname)
What has he done? Was he innocent or guilty?
Who is his friend? Did the ball connect?
What is the name of the copper? Is he a friendly local rozzer 'just being his job' or is there a darker side to the arrest?
What happened next?

So many questions.

The aim of this competition is to flesh out the legend behind the badge and give a name to each of the characters.

It's time to get creative. The more detail the better the chance you have of winning.

Submit a comment or e-mail entries to: the_awful_dodgers@hotmail.co.uk

Competition is open until Tuesday 18th October 2011
Competition is only open to players eligible to play for The Awful Dodgers or The Really Awful Dodgers (i.e. anyone!)
The winner is the person who is credited with naming the main character (the apprehended boy)
Ideas from 'losing' entrants may be 'sampled' without credit to create the best possible back story.
The management reserves the right to choose which team the winner plays their free game for.
No cash equivalent prizes are available.
The 'management' reserves the right to change the rules at any time and generally be a tad biased and a little bit of a control freak.
The management's decision is final.

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Awful Dodgers' Fan Club Goes International - Match Report 21st September 2011

 This week's match reports takes a break away from the finer details of any blow-by-blow action and instead turns his sights towards our international fan clubs!.

Why, I hear  you ask? Has Steve gone mad?.....that happened ages ago.

Whilst updating the blog I took sometime out to look at the viewing stats for people keeping track of our adventures. The origin of audience figures were quite revealing.

Ranked 1-5
  1. The UK – I’m assuming most of the viewers are London based.
  2. U.S.A. – We seem to have a ‘special relationship’ with our friends across the pond. Hardly surprising due to the fact a lot of these viewers are probably searching for the film Dodgeball and spend most of their day on the internet whilst stuffing their faces with donuts.
  3. Canada – A far more fit and healthy nation and expected due to the number of Canadians who have represented us over the last year.
  4. New Zealand – Again, no shock. It’s nice to know that my friends from my travels are eagerly keeping an eye on our progress.
  5. Guadaloupe - ………….GUADALOUPE……WTF! I’d struggle to point it out on a map. Can anyone shed any light on why we’re so big in the French colony of Guadaloupe???!!!

We here at Awful Dodger’s HQ really appreciate every single one of our fans and we feel that it is very important to not become detached from our fan base unlike mainly of the ‘big-time charlies’ who ply their trades in other sporting leagues such as the Barclays English Premier League for starters.

Therefore please find below some facts about Guadaloupe that might help you if you start getting fan mail (or “french-letters”) sent to you from the Caribbean.

  1. Guadaloupe is a department of France and therefore part of the European Union. It’s currency is the Euro.
  2. In 1493 Christopher Coulmbus is credited with discovering the pineapple on the island (despite the fact the fruit had long been grown in South America) – so therefore without Guadaloupe it could be argued that the song “Agadoo” may have never existed.
  3. Famous people of Guadalopean descent include: Footballers: Thierry Henry, William Gallas, Lilian Thuram and Everton’s own permanently injured striker Louis Saha – judging by this list be warned when dealing with the new fans. They can be prone to temper-tantrums.
  4. Whilst not in the Guadeloupean style Cayerine Quinol, aka Katrin, is known worldwide as the lip synching icon of the piano-house trio Black Box, who burst on to the Music Scene in the late 80s with songs such as' Ride on Time'. Katrin is, however, a trained singer and she went on to release her own work.

Anyway. That’s enough copy and pasting from Wikipedia. I hope its been enlightening.

Back to the action.

This week the Really Awful Dodgers welcomed plenty of new players to the ranks with debuts for Alastair Hegarty, Jillian Hawker, Mitch Fernandez, Simon Obee, Leila Dukes. It was fair to say they were a totally new.

Thrown into the deep end was another debutant Sean Broughton who made his debut for The Awful Dodgers who were up first.

The Awful Dodger’s

Following last weeks encouraging results, that put us in mid-table, this week was going to determine if we were going to compete for a play-off place of be stuck in yet another relegation battle. It was important that we got off to a good start against the league new-comers:

v School Girls and Ball Girls
It wasn’t a great start to the match against this rookie team and we quickly found ourselves depleted in the first set. However, it became apparent with all new teams that some of them hadn’t completely read the rules! A couple of them threw their wickets away going for silly catches and as soon as the numbers were evened up it wasn’t long before we overpowered them. The 2nd set was much more of a formality with experience telling as we swept them aside. Sean Broughton proved that he was worthy of promotion straight into the first team by sealing the 2nd set with cricketer's throw that would have run out even the swiftest of batsmen such was its pace and accuracy.
It was good to get this fixture out of the way whilst this team are still green as they clearly have a few dangerous players who will develop over the season and start beating the bigger teams.
Won 2-0

v Ball Out War
Our first big test of the evening against last year’s champions. A team we lost to twice last season. The entire match was keenly fought and could have gone either way. However..Ball out War’s confusion with how to deal with my new tactic of kneeling down and drawing fire meant that we were able to pin their top throwers to the back of the court and make it easier to catch them. This worked a treat with Alex Bono once again making a game turning catch. Before we knew it we’d beaten them! Some shameless targeting of one of their ‘less mobile’ players in the dying seconds of one of the games ensured victory. She wasn’t impressed and stormed off the pitch refusing to shake hands. To be fair the rest of their team took defeat a lot more graciously.
Won 2-0

v Jammie Dodger’s – The Original
After last week’s easy victory against a weakened side it became clear that this week wasn’t going to be as easy. A couple of star players from their previous more successful incarnation as the Jammie Dodger Annihilators were in the starting team and to be feared.
Rightly so. We were wiped off the court pretty comprehensively. The 2nd set saw some great fighting spirit and we drew level. I then took the decision to keep the subs from the 2nd set on the bench – including myself and my loyalty was rewarded. The decider swung too and through with some big hitting from their star player ‘Camel Toe’ leading the Jammie D’s through to victory. That was until  a sensational last few seconds where the numbers where swung by a couple of key hits and a great late catch by Richard Djaelani. (Although after discussions in the bar afterwards with the opposition we’re not entirely sure how much he know about it!)

Player of the Week: Richard Djaelani

The Really Awful Dodgers

v Team Merdeboite
With virtually a new line-up the first match of the season for The Really Awful Dodgers was always going to be difficult. Would they be inspired or intimidated by success of their contemporaries?
The inaugural performance proved to be brief but considering the majority of the team had only just met in Bar Kick 2 hours previously it was no surprise they were overpowered by a team that had at least attended a taster session together (although that didn't even help last season's intake!)
The first set was up for grabs and had it not been for a couple of pieces of naivety in the closing moments the result could have been so much different. This match will be remembered most notably by the discovery that we now had a 'club physio' in the squad (an unpaid position - before you get any ideas Sean!)
A mix-up between uni mates Dave J and Andy D left the former with a busted thumb that was to rule him out of the remaining games.
Fortunately, on-site amputation was avoided by the revelation that Sean was a qualified physiotherapist.
We're almost like a proper sports' team now! All we need now is a qualified otolaryngologist to help solve the ongoing drama of Dave Chandler's ear-ache....which is giving me ear-ache! Oh please......anyone???!!!

Lost 2-0

V JustDodging (justgiving.com)
Reeling from the loss of their most experienced and joint most successful player (Dave Jackson - One win ever!). The Really Awful Dodgers lined up for the second game with even lower expectations. That was until they saw the opposition team.
Why not recreate the magic of The Really Awful Dodger's first ever win by popping down to your local primary school, picking out the smallest, girliest girls, lining then up against a wall and then throwing coke cans at them until they cry!

Won 2-0!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Really Awful Dodgers struggle to deal with the alien concept of VICTORY!!
 v The Artful Dodgers
Drunk on the taste of victory (and Carlsberg and San Miguel) normal services were resumed against a team that I sorely wanted to see put in their place. 'The Artful Dodgers' - how very dare they.
Any sign of flat caps and a second team called The Really Artful Dodgers and I will be instructing the team's lawyers. Do we have any lawyers in the squad??
Our pocket's weren't so much picked during this match. It was more of a mugging in broad daylight with all of our pocket money stolen by the bigger boys. Oh well. Three points on the board was an instant improvement on last season.

Lost 2-0

Player of the week: Simon Obee

Lookalikes 4

Last week's Lookalike was wildly deridided as being even worse than Week 1!

So much so that Andy Davies and David Jackson seen to have taken itupon themselves to make this feature their own.

Please can someone else submit something or there is going to be a theme to this:
Sunmitted by a Mr A. Davies of Wakefield (The North).
David Jackson

Frank Skinner

Monday, 3 October 2011

Team for Wednesday 5th October 2012

Altogether now!

"We are top of the League, I said, we are Top of the league!"

And again:

"We're not bottom of the league, I said, we're not bottom of the league!"

Hah! We may not need Raphi to win our games anymore but heck he's playing this week!!!
(Phew - no John or Richard this week means we're lacking a couple of stars!)

For those of you who pay attention to the fixture list you will notice that we are playing each team 3 times this season. That's right. There will be a re-match v Busted Balls of 'The Battle of Shoreditch' - Alex can't wait!!!

Meet: Bar Kick 1830 if you're really keen!!

The Awful Dodgers start first at 1920 approx.

  1. Steven Barrett
  2. Alexandra Bono
  3. Sean Broughton
  4. Raphael Emerich
  5. Fred Pearce
  6. Tom Stubbs
  7. Sarah Tessier (debut)
  8. Kyla Winter (may be late)
  9. TBC
v Dodgeball UK Heart-Throbs (Stedder's team of ringers/clients -unfortunately Stedders is in Barbados at the mo so we won't get the chance to kick his arse!)
v Schoolgirls & Ball-Girls (for the 3rd time)
v Busted Balls (once more unto the breach dear friends. Fight, Fight, Fight)

The Really Awful Dodgers start at 2020 approx.
  1. Andrew Davies
  2. Brandon Davis (debut)
  3. Laura Feetham
  4. Mitch Fernandez
  5. Jill Hawker
  6. Alastair Hegarty
  7. Rachael Morris
  8. Simon Obee
  9. TBC
v The Dodgebetweeners (best chance of a win)
v Magic
v Cojones

One 'El' of a read. Noticeboard: 3rd October 2012

Now that she's found a housemate who can hopefully catch mice and kill Japanese knotweed (at the same time) El is now busy promting her new book.

"Ralph is (not) a Spy"

Available here

A tale of espionage, morse-code cracking, loo paper and hamsters.

The recommended reading age is approx. 6-9 years so its the perfect Christmas present for half of our squad!!!

Thursday, 29 September 2011

Dodge Idol - Replacement for Vi needed.

Vi played her last game of Dodgeball for the Awful Dodgers on Wednesday before her adventures in China and a return to her native Germany. We're all very sad.

Will she set up her own team in Dusseldorf and host 'The Awful Dodgers' first European tour?

Anyway...... With Kyla's attendance limited by school meetings and a low turn out by our ladies last week we're in the market for a new star girl to line up alongside Alex, Kyla and Karen. .

We've made a list of all the qualities needed to replace Vi.
Click Here
Oh...and owning a laser throwing arm, a competitive spirit and the desire to drink beer in between games  is also actively encouraged.

If you know someone who fits the bill put them in contact with:
or call Steve on: 07985 644801

The Team say goodbye to Vi....Sob;-(

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Lookalikes 2

You thought last week's lookalike was terrible?

Well how about this double whammy?

Last week Dave Jackson derided me for the quality of last weeks effort.
Andy Davies then volunteered a lookalike for Dave.

Naturally I came up with a combination of the two and used it as an opportiunity to promote our next social.

David Jackson

Andy Davies

Join Us:

Monday, 26 September 2011

Team for Wednesday 28th September - Bar Kick 1830

Hi guys,

After our amazing results last week will we continue our usual pattern of form? If so that usually involves us crashing to 6 miserable defeats the next week.

The Really Awful Dodgers are up first this week and have a double header versus a team yet to win a game! Easy 6 points? Yes?

Let us know if being there for a 7pm start might be a problem.

The Really Awful Dodgers (Start 1900):
  1. Richard Banks (debut)
  2. David Chandler
  3. Andrew Davies
  4. Alastair Hegarty
  5. Simon Obee
  6. Rachael Morris
  7. Helen Potter (debut)
  8. TBC Girl
  9. TBC Girl/Guy
v Cojones
v Honey Badgers
v Honey Badgers

Scouting Report on The Honey Badgers
-Its nice to see Jeff Turner is getting some voiceover work!

The Awful Dodgers (Start 2000)
  1. Steven Barrett
  2. Alexndra Bono
  3. Sean Broughton
  4. Will Cheverton
  5. Richard Djaelani
  6. Vi Luu
  7. John Murray
  8. Fred Pearce
  9. Girl TBC
v Schoolgirls and Ball-girls
v Ball Out War
v Busted Balls

I might have to change the teams around if we bring in a few more players. The Really Awful Dodgers need help especially.

Monday, 19 September 2011

Team for Wednesday: The Really Awful Dodgers are BACK!!!!

That's right. Due to a last minute recruitment campaign in which I felt like Arsene Wenger on transfer deadline day enough interest was garnered from new players to save 'The Really Awful Dodgers'. Hooray!!!

Plenty of new faces this week and I've shown an unprecedented amount of organisation in booking a table at Bar Kick on Wednesday for the 1830 meet-up. Its in the name of 'The Awful Dodgers'!!!!

Crucial for team bonding!!

Anyway. Here are the details:

Could everyone try and make the 1830 meet-up time so that the new players can learn the rules.

The Awful Dodgers kick-off proceedings first so please don't be late.

The Really Awful Dodgers start later.

The teams are:

The Awful Dodgers (1900 start) :

v School Girls and Ball Girls
(New team? - although some one told me the Chinamen were back and I can't see their name in the league table)
v FSU Dodgeball (formally Ball Out War -last year's champions)
v Jammie D's - The original (Let's make it a white wash!!)
  1. Steven Barrett
  2. Alexandra Bono
  3. Sean Broughton (debut)
  4. Will Cheverton
  5. Richard Djaelani
  6. Karen Leite
  7. Vi Luu
  8. John Murray
  9. Tom Stubbs
The Really Awful Dodgers (2020 start)

v The Arful Dodgers
(We HAVE to beat these rip-off merchants, although they are already top of the league)
v The Honey Badgers (first fixtures)
v JustDodging (justgiving.com) - (I know its all for charity but let's smash them!)

  1. Andrew Davies
  2. Leila Dukes (debut)
  3. Michael Fernandez (debut)
  4. Jillian Hawker (debut)
  5. Alastair Hegarty (debut)
  6. David Jackson
  7. Simon Obee (debut)
  8. Rachael Morris
  9. Kyla Winter
Kit: Where have all the t-shirts gone? Please bring your own kit to avoid embarrassment. We all remember when Dave Chandler left the kit at home!!! White T-shirts a preference.

Good luck everyone. Give me a call if you can't make it as we have reserves!!!

That's right....like every hip club....... a WAITING LIST!!!!!!!!
Although our door policy isn't that fussy.

Brockley is cooler than Shoreditch...Dodgers start season with 5 points.

Match Report: 14th September 2012

I am opening this match report with the contents of an e-mail from one of our star players who selflessly gave up his place in the team when it looked like we were only going to be fielding one team this season and spaces were at a premium to keen players:

Heart warming stuff from Raphi!
Hello Steve

I am happy to take a break this week.

I wish you all the best for the game. Just play like in the semi-final last season. You guys were amazing.

Looking forward to see you guys. Greets to all. Please transmit this message.

Did I pass this message on.....errrr, no....the reason being is that I didn’t want my player’s to be choked up with emotion on the court with the tears welling in their eyes blurring their vision of the balls hurtling towards them.

In fact..I might have even told some of the player’s that Raphael had left us and they’d better buck up their idea’s and raise their game if we are to win anything this season.....OK. I can’t remember if I actually did but I certainly thought about it.

So what was the outcome of our first outing in Shoreditch? Were we the hippest kids on court or was success proving to be on the skinny side?
This week’s biggest bonus was the addition of the ‘pre-match team talk’ in Bar Kick which by happy coincidence coincided with their Happy Hour! Sagres £2 a bottle.

On arrival at Old Street Power League it became clear that the poor bar maid (or should that be fridge attendant) was in for a busier night than she was used to. The facilities at our new home might not be as spacious as those at London Bridge, but the courts are just as designed for action ...plus the handy addition of the roof netting helped to avoid any of those horrible looping throws, that some of us are so fond of (Rachael Morris!) reaching the welcoming hands of the opposition.
This week we welcomed one new player, Karen Leite, who quickly slotted into the team as if she had been playing dodgeball all of her life. Karen displayed that her catching skills acquired in a career of football goalkeeping would prove vital in surprising a few of the more cowardly male opposition who decided to target the girls....ha, ha, ha.
The fixture list had a familiar ring to it:
Match 1: v Ball Busters
With the all powerful Gacy in their squad it is always a tough task to take on and beat the Ball Busters, especially without his arch nemesis Raphael in our squad. However we have beaten them before and we were hoping to catch them cold on the first day of the season.
The first set went the way of the form book with the Awful Dodgers offering limited resistance. It looked as if we were in for another long hard season.
However, a spirited fight back in the 2nd set saw the scores level with Alexandra Bono once again taking a catch that would prove to turn the tide in our favour and bring the scores level.
The 3rd Set was keenly fought as well but unfortunately Vi was left alone on court to fight a heroic yet fruitless battle with the opposition.
Result: Lost 1-2 (1st point of the season)
Match 2: v Busted Balls
I am a hopeless match reported. I know the score of this one but I can’t remember if we won the first or 2nd set?! Any ideas? I am the Chris Kamara of Dodgeball reporting.
I vaguely remember Karen Leite stunning them with a great chance and the opposition cottoning on with regards to countering my new kneeling tactic. Anyway another defeat ensued but another bonus point was secured.
Result: Lost 1-2
Match 3: v Jammie D’s – The Original
Our matched with the Jammie Dodger’s always come with a bit of history and no small amount of friendly rivalry.
We all remember fondly the days when a match against the Jammie Dodgers = a guaranteed win.
Then they formed 3 teams, got very good and started beating us on a regular basis.
However in splitting their teams between the 2 venues this season the 6 players that turned up looked a lot more like their original version. That was until they unveiled their ringer to much protest from our team. GACY....bloody GACY.....grrrrrr. I wasn’t happy and we predictably lost the first set.
It looked like we were going to finish the evening with one of our traditional win free result sheets. However, slightly embarrassed by the boos and catcalling, Gacy did the honourable thing and stood down for the remainder of the match returning to his native team.
The Jammie D’s has made the Awful Dodgers angry and a new steely determination could be seen in the eyes of the team. They sensed blood.

The Jammie D’s without their ringer quickly crumbled like the eponymous biscuit after being sat on during the bus home from the supermarket. This despite myself throwing a really pathetic catch at one of their girls before being saved by some quick thinking from David Jackson who rapidly dismissed the oncoming player before he even had the chance to pick up a ball! 

Justice had been done. The Jammie Dodger’s had only gained one point from their skulduggery and we had our first point of the season.
History was also made in that David Jackson and Rachael Morris featured in their first ever Dodgeball UK rules victory! Well done to the 2 of you.
Result: Won 2-1
I’m glad(?) to report that there were no major arguments or temper tantrums this week. I was a good boy. I put it down to the dulled acoustics of the new venue. It’s a bit weird at first after the cavernous echoes of T47. Like playing Dodgeball in a church.......now there’s an idea!
The best result of the night was the saving of the Really Awful Dodgers who will play their first fixtures of the season on Wednesday. Now that Dave J and Rachael have a taste for victory who knows what they can achieve!!!!

Awful Dodger Lookalikes

Hi team,

Now that we seems half of London's population has featured for our team at some point its time to exploit the squad for comedy value. Feel free to send in your own suggestions. Please play nice.

First up: It's my housemate and part-time Dodgeball player David Chandler.

I think you'll all agree that David isn't the only person in the squad with a drink problem.

Click Dave's name below to see the incident that led to  Dave to check into rehab.

David Chandler

Monday, 12 September 2011

Team News Season 4: Week 1: Wednesday 14th September 1830

Hi kids,

Welcome to our merged team. Hopefully for one season only!

Apologies for confusing everyone with the day of the week. Leaving London Bridge on a Thursday is like splitting with your first love - I obviously can't let go!!

I'm looking forward to playing alongside some new (in a being on the same team sense) faces:

As its a new venue here are the details for week 1:

Our games start a bit later than originally thought which is great as we can meet early for the all important pre-match team talk in:

Bar Kick: 1830
Bar Kick - Website
Directions - Bar Kick

Its 2 for 1 Happy Hour on selected drinks until 7pm.

After a beer or 2 we will move onto the new venue:
Shoreditch Power League
 (NOT to be confused with London City Power League near the Golf Driving Range)
Shoreditch Power League
384 Old Street, The City, City of London EC1V 9LT

I'll switch venues at 7pm so that Karen can learn the rules before she makes her debut!
I expect the rest of you to follow in 15 minutes!!

The Team is: Match Fee: £8 if you all make it! £9 if we don't have 9 players,
  • Steven Barrett
  • Alexandra Bono
  • Richard Djaelani
  • David Jackson
  • Vi Luu
  • Karen Leite (debut)
  • Rachael Morris
  • John Murray
  • Tom Stubbs
The team was selected based on 1st come first served amongst those who registered.
Thanks to those who let me know they couldn't play. I'll have to juggle the squad this season.

The fixture list has a familiar look to it (but it won't for the rest of the season):
v Ball Busters
v Busted Balls
v Jamie D's - The Original (Hopefully as bad as they were originally!)

Tough week - We could have done with Rafa!!

Excuse of the Week:
Shaun Dooley: "Can't Wednesday mate as I fly to Benidorm on Thursday to film.....Benidorm!"

....as Bros once sang....When will I be famous?

Friday, 29 July 2011

Karen's Alzheimer's Society Charity Dodgeball Tournament

With a big squad of mixed ability Dodgeball players at our disposal...I think someone might have shouted......."Do someting to gather  our collective power for good.
So far we've only really made the Carlsberg family ever more rich..

Karen Jeff has organised a Dodgeball tournament to raise ever more funds towards helping The Alzheimer's Society.  A charity that will no doubt unfortunately touch most of our lives at some point.

I'm entering a team for this tournament.

The details are:

Date: Wednesday 10th August
Time: 7pm onwards
Venue: Drill Hall, 174 Mile End Road, E1 4TW
Cost: £5 (I've been ripping you all off every Thursday!!)
Nearest Tube: Stepney Green

This tournament is open invite to any players all and new.

I'll do my research and try and find a pub nearby that will provide adequate apres-dodgeball facilities and isn't full of Cockney Villains.

If you can't make it but would like to contribute to Karen's fundraising feel free to do so here.

Sunday, 17 July 2011

Player Interview: Andy Davies

Name: Andrew Davies
Nickname: Lord Smurf, @Spiderham
Nationality: English
Age: 24
Place of Birth: Warrington
Profession:  Motor Insurance Pricing Analyst
How recruited: Brockley Central (via Dave Jackson and Rachael Morris)
Special Move: Dodging with ease (especially for a fat boy)

1. Hi Andy. Congratulations on becoming the first 'RAD' to be interviewed.  How has the reality of playing for the 'Really Awful Dodgers' compared to the utopian bliss I painted in my recruitment advert on Brockley Central?
Playing for RAD has almost completely lived up to expectations bar one small point, the beer isn't quite as cheap as I was led to believe.  Plus there's only lager.

2. During your first season you've famously missed games whilst 'collecting money for charity on London Bridge dressed as a Smurf' and 'hob-knobbing at the House of Lords'. How do you plan to top this in future and do they actually serve Hob-Nobs at the House of Lords?
Second answer first, unfortunately no Hob Nobs at House of Lords.  Also, no big plans at the moment, but I am putting myself forward for an MBE and to run with the Olympic torch just to keep the excuses at a high standard.

3. As an early follower @TheAwfulDodgers on Twitter you've been busy discussing tactics with @shaundooley regarding the 'Double D' manourve. When will we see it and can you give us a hint to what it involves?
We'll have to wait for both me and Shaun to be around to see the move in action.  It's top secret but I will tell you that involves a pair of massive tits that have gone South.

4. You have a well documented love of 1980's music. Which song/band from the era would best represent the Awful Dodgers?
Two that immediately spring to mind are "Don't Stop Believing" and "Living on a Prayer" to describe our season's experience.  I have to say though the most relevant song is "Train in Vain" by The Clash from the very early 80s.

Dodgy questions:

5.What’s the dodgiest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Dodgiest thing I've ever eaten has to be some South American worms.  They were a little bit spicy and not too bad but they did make me rather worried.

6.What’s the dodgiest film you’ve ever seen?
I assume we're omitting those "art films" I occasionally watch late at night yeah?  For the entire experience has to be American Pie 2.  First legal 15 I ever went to go and see on my 15th birthday.  My Dad took me and was sat next to him for entire film, dodgy in itself.  At the end of the film he turned to me and said five words I'll never forget, "The first one was better."  He was right though.

7. The Artful Dodger was a famous pickpocket. What was the last thing you stole (be honest, within reason!)
Being the embarrassingly straight-laced good boy that I am, I think it must have been a penny sweet at the age of 12.

8.On a scale of 1-10. (1 being ‘not at all’, 10 being ‘to the extreme’) How dodgy are you and why?
My parents seeing me as a good boy would say 2.  Some of my friends would say 9.  I see myself as about a 6.  I can be a bit dodgy and often get accused of "dodgy behaviour" but feel my intentions are good (even if that is only from my perspective).  I have an almost completely clean history with the police and usually only get semi-naked for greater purposes.

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

The Blagger's guide to trying not to lose too badly at Dodgeball.

Hi Kids,
In years to come when the Awful Dodgers meet the Really Awful Dodgers in the World Dodgeball Club Cup Final experts may well point towards this simple guide as the source of that success.
Alternatively, when both teams get relegated this will be the smoking gun that is used to oust me from my coaching role in a kangaroo court.
Follow these steps and who knows what might happen.
Team selection:
Firstly, this season I won’t be making 3 substitutions between games as it really confuses things. Instead the ball person only will swap with one player. Oh, and turn up on time!
Identify the other team’s best player: And single him out for early elimination.
At the Rush: Go on the ‘B’ of the Bang. I’ve only just picked up on this but I find that if I watch the referee blow the whistle rather than listening for it its worth a couple of yards to beat your opponent to the ball J
During the Game:
Aim Low:
To quote Peter le Fleur:

"I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal.”
The Average Joe’s slogan of ‘Aim Low’ at first glance points towards a lack of inspiration. At the same time. If you aim low. YOU DON’T GET CAUGHT!!!
Don’t go for catches early on: The main benefit of catches is to get players back in. If no one’s out and you spill a catch we’re a player down and you look very silly!
Leave the oppositions weak throwers alone.There’s no point in knocking them out early. If someone is dollying up easy catches early doors save them for the end game. They’ll invariably throw away their wicket. Concentrate on trying to make the strong throwers concentrate on having to dodge.
Double up:Talk to each other and co-ordinate your throws. Two balls are harder to dodge than one.
Watch the numbers.If we’re a couple of players up (If you can imagine such a thing!) slow the game down and make sure you don’t get caught. If we're down and time if running out you've got carte blanche to dive around like a fool!
The Dark Arts: Girls: Try hiding the small ball behind your back and sneaking up on unsuspecting victims. This tactic has been perfected by Vi!
And above all: Enjoy yourself. It’s not all about winning. Believe me!
See you at the bar!

Sunday, 10 April 2011

Good News, Bad News, Good News etc etc

Hi people,

A lot to take on board this week. The end of a season and the start of a new one raise lots of questions. Its a mixed bag. I'm still excited though and fully committed (possibly to an asylum in South east London very soon).

Good News: We retained our place in the Premier League for next season. A division that will not contain either SWAT or the Dodgy Curries next season as they will be too busy playing Softball. Its going to be more competitive. say it quietly but with a few useful additions to the squad I think we can be in the mix.

Bad news: OH WE ARE AWFUL. Our performance on One Set Wonder night was truly terrible. Losing all of our games against teams in the lower reaches of the lower divisions. I put it down to a combination of 'having nothing to play for', getting on the beers too early, our new 'Unlucky Mascot' Kate Peebles, my worst ever Dodgeball performance and the high standard of the other teams in the lower divisions. The teams who are getting promoted will be good.

Good News: We're launching a 2nd team 'The Really Awful Dodgers'. You may call me crazy but I've been busy recruiting. Loads of new faces next season It should be exciting. One of the new faces will possibly be our 'Unlucky Mascot' Kate whose new role as a player should hopefully negate her negative impact as a spectator.

Bad News: Jeff has joined Sarah Skyte in the naughty corner. Yes that's right. CBBC double act 'Dan and Jeff' have formed formed their own team. The pirate themed Jolly Dodgers. We've lost one of our star players.

Good News: The Really Awful Dodgers have immediately gained a deadly rival. Andy Stedman (to now be known in these pages as CDP - Chief Dodgeball Pervert) is putting them in the same division as Jeff's team of hopeless luvvies. Also, Jeff has been so busy recruiting that he has a surpluss of players and he will be happy to feed them into either of our teams.

Bad News: A lot of our new players may be hopeless luvvies.

Good News: Norm has been busy recruiting new players and I'm happy to announce the star signing of Truman Tang. Norm has told me to put Truman straight into the A side as he's "a three season Dodgeball player in Canada and wears knee pads." Wow!!!!.....and I would have picked him solely on the basis that he has an amazing name!

Bad News: C'mon guys. A lot have you have talked the talk about bringing in new players with very little results. I'm happy to give priority to friends of friends so get recruiting. The challenge is one player from each of you.

Good News: We'll start and end this post in the positive. The 2nd team gives us the opportunity to make sure everyone plays as much as they want too. If you can't make an 'Awful Dodger' game one week there will be a Really Awful Dodger game the next. I'll try and put the 'more experienced' players in the Premier League but I'm happy to mix it up. I'm going to keep the fiances a little tighter this season (at the mo I could be up or down bu £30 or so. I honestly don't know). I'm looking at setting up a 'club bank account' which as well as being used to collect match fees and buy ill fitting T-shirts we can use to book a few socials.
Keep Derby Day free (Saturday the 4th June). We'll do it the cheap way but it should be a blast.

The sun's coming out. Its going to be a good summer. Trust me :-)