Tuesday, 31 August 2010

The Awful Dodger's go global.....

Well Brockley Central anyway! Thanks to Brockley Nick for including all of my drunken spelling mistakes!


Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive and ........Dither

It turns out that the 'Dodgers' could have an unlikely ally in Mayor of London Boris Johnson.

In his Spectator diary the London Mayor described how he avoids having to discuss the National Health Service:
 "My strong instinct is swerve. As the man says in Dodgeball – the world's greatest ever film – dodge, dip, duck, dive and dodge."

Does this mean Boris will be campaigning to shoe-horn Dodgeball into the 2012 Olympics alongside 'whiff whaff', croquet and a new sport involving the hunting of defenceless animals by posh people wearing odd costumes?

If so...we could be famous!


Saturday, 21 August 2010

'The Awful Dodgers' putting the Awe into Aw(e)ful! - Taster session report‏

Well, Wow Dodgers, what can I say?

An amazingly good time was had by all in the AD's inaugural outing at the Dodgeball UK taster sessions.

I lost count of how many games we won. All I know is that we didn't lose or draw any!
A very well rounded performance from all squad members bodes well for the upcoming pursuit of the league title.

Honourable mentions go to:
Jason: who individually sealed the AD's first victory and will therefore go down forever in AD history.
Vi: Winner of the 'last player standing' at the end of the evening and earning the Campari Cup!
Rob: Runner-Up in Last Player standing (so therefore, by default, the 'Last man standing'.)
A big up to Tristan and John for some mean throwing and dainty dodging.
A huge welcome to Kayla our newest recruit.

And as for me. Well the huge yellow streak that runs through the Barrett genetic make-up actually proved to be useful in Dodgeball. As I cowered at the back of the court crying like a weak girlie jelly. The opposition teams gradually self-imploded. Leaving me on court as an important ball gatherer during the vital end game.
I sure can dodge, but I really need to work on my 'unheld hosepipe' of a throwing arm.

Next time it gets competitive!


Tuesday, 17 August 2010

The Awful Dodgers

"Adepto vestri genua sursum, dodge in vicis"
That's our motto "Get your knees up, Dodge in time".......in Latin. Classy!

Hello Dodgers!!!

Welcome to the new 21st century sensation that is Dodgeball.

Who are the Artful Dodgers?

The ‘Dodgers’ are a half ill-thought out, semi-aspirational, half alcohol-induced, shambles of amateur chancers based around a sport that no-one really is sure actually exists.

Join us.

The Artful Dodger’s values

The Dodgers have been formed around the olden day values of the Corinthian Spirit.

“'Corinthian Spirit' is the spirit of 'gentlemanly' amateurishness (in its true sense: of playing for love, not profit)” Wikiwhat 2010.

Essentially…if you fancy a drink after a hard hour of Dodgeball. This is for you. If you get overly upset by defeat…please look elsewhere.

How fit do I have to be to play Dodgeball?
Hacking tuberculosis is no barrier to entry to the AD.

We have joined the T47 London Bridge Dodgeball league, St.Thomas Street. It starts on September 9th.
Thursdays at 7pm for one hour. Be there.

How much?.....
If you are asking this question I’m not sure what the exchange rate is exactly , but, based on:
1 Yorkshire pound = 1 Pound Sterling.
It should cost you £7 every time you turn up.

How much Dodgeball am I getting for £7?
A minimum of 2 games out of 3 each evening….Excess money raised through match fess will be put towards kit/funds towards an end of season awards evening.

Team selection…
• In each game we have to start with a team of 6 (including at least one female)
I’m looking to take 8-9 players a week (minimum 2 girls) to guard against last minute drop-outs. This would guarantee you 2 games each.
• The prime selection policy is: First come first served. You snooze. You lose.
• If we get over 9 players those on a wait list will get priority for the next week.
• I’m not too proud to drop myself if it means everyone, who wants to play, plays.
• No-shows will be dealt with ruthlessly

My Dodgeball Credentials….
None whatsoever….I will be posting the rules of Dodgeball on the team’s ‘blog’ before our first fixture in the hope that someone will read them.

The rules….

On this web-site apparently.

Your commitment
Turn up for 2-3 evenings out of 7 over a 12 week period and I will be happy.

To make this venture logistically and financially viable I need a squad of between 18-20 people.

Strategy 1: Word of Mouth –  That's you and your big gob. Help me out!

Strategy 2: Press-ganging

– assorted friends of Steve who he has to drag to Dodgeball.

Strategy3: Friends of members: Know someone who is interested and likes to hang out socially? They are welcome.

Strategy 4: Advertising in local pubs in Brockley.. I haven’t done this yet, but it would be good to keep the squad Brockley. (Please ignore my housemate Nick’s response to this policy of: “I’d like to see the barmaid at the Orchard in Lycra”…......we won’t be wearing Lycra.)

Strategy 5. The Gumtree….a useful source for introducing new blood to the squad and finding people that are genuinely interested. (P.S. If you have already replied to our ‘test’ Gumtree advert please consider yourself as being recruited by Strategy 1.)

As the picture suggests we are going for Victorian Poorhouse chic.
I’d ask you to provide:
• A white/ grey top
• Black/grey shorts (preferably ragged)
• Trainers (not very Victorian, but a 21st century sporting necessity).

The ‘Awful Dodgers’ will provide.
• A mangy waistcoat
• Flat cap
• Sooty Makeup (meaning we make you up to look like a chimney sweep….not a mute puppet bear or his squeaky friend., Sorry)

Please feel free to accessorise
Further Reading:

• Feel free to write “the Idiot’s Guide to Dodgeball”. There might be some money in it.

Further Viewing:
• Dodgeball
• Karate Kid (The Original, when it was actually Karate)
• The Rocky Series
• The Goonies
• Any film that has a montage.
• Mary Poppins
• Oliver!
• The Muppet’s Christmas Carol

Further Listening:
• Jump Around – House of Pain
• Jump – Kriss Kross
• Step in Time – Mary Poppins
• Consider yourself – The cast of Oliver!
• You’re the Best – Joe Eposito

I think that’s everything. Please make use of the new ‘Awful Dodger’ e-mail address if you have any questions.


I leave you with a quote from ‘Photoshopper –in-general’, Jamie Moss, after I told him our theme was ‘Victorian grime’. Enjoy!

“Yeah I also love a bit of Victorian grime. The other day I saw Dizzee Rascal in an MC battle with Bob Cratchit at 'Party in the Poorhouse'. Tinchy Stryder asked for more and ended up running with a criminal gang of young pickpocketers.”