Dodgeball UK London League – Season 3 Summary so Far!
With every team now having played fixtures in Season 3 of the London Dodgeball UK League (of London), the competition is starting to take shape and it’s an exciting one. Most of the teams seem more adept at après-dodgeball than the game itself, with Carlsberg pitchers being sunk and Jagerbombs even being requested to be stocked at the T47 Bar. Two teams (we won’t mention names) even turned up on the ‘wrong’ week, a thinly veiled excuse for alcohol consumption and games of air hockey. Luckily for The Postmen and the Opium Addicted Chinamen, they have both had good starts on court to make up for their embarrassment off it!
Group B
Group B has been dominated so far by the scarily excellent SWAT. Comprised of bionic humans from secret labs in Erinsborough, these guys have broken the world record for the fastest ever throw with tall-guy Steve Rice especially coming to the boil. Teams are going to have to work on some tactics to beat this bunch of professional softball playing dodgeball bullies!
Opium Addicted Chinamen could have the right idea though with their magnificently eye-catching outfits a possible distraction, and when they are turning up on the correct evening they could perhaps put egg on the face of Rice and his team-mates and fry them with a crispy performance. Okay, that was bad, I apologise...
Down at the lower reaches of the group table so far are the enthusiastic Jammie Dodgers, who have been undergoing intensive training outside of normal dodgeball hours which I think is taking the biscuit a bit. With one win under their belts so far they are not out of it, and if there was a prize for team kits they’d be up there. Imaginative team names however... ahem...must do better!
Level with them with one win are the fitness fanatics of Can’t Dodge This. They are so dedicated to tactical improvement that they can often be seen plotting outside the T47 main doors whilst a haze of cigarette smoke wafts in from that area. With a mixture of Saffer, Northerner, Irish, Bolivian-Scottish village-idiot and god knows what else, smoke signals are obviously the only universal language they have to communicate. A very sporting team, good losers and probably just as well!
The other new team in this group is the Awful Dodgers. Decked out in their wonderful Oliver Twist team kit they unfortunately play like a bunch of Nancies rather than the Artful one himself. They can’t even pick a decent team, let alone a pocket! Captain Steve Barrett is losing hair rapidly over his team’s performance and shouldn’t consider himself out of danger of getting sacked from this role. They won all three matches in their first week, then proceeded to lose all three in their second week. A for points, it’s a case of “Please Sir, can we have some more...”
Completing the group are three old-timers, all in with a shout of doing well in this competition. Bad Balls Inc have reverted back from last season’s embarrassingly sycophantic name of Stedders Fan Club, probably after discovering I have many fan clubs and one more really made little difference to me or my refereeing decisions (okay I lied there, my mum is my only fan really, but it made me feel good about myself). Their form has remained the same though, patchy and in need of trimming into shape. D*ck & Balls have started fairly well, despite being swatted away by SWAT. Their form could make an upward swing though as the season gets more exciting towards its climax. Ausweichen Kugel (German for “dingleberry” I believe?) put out a weak team in week 1 and got thrashed, but last night won every game with their main players back in the tunnel...
All in all it’s now about who can beat SWAT and scrape into the top four. Definitely the best group for team costumes, Group A have some catching up to do in that department.
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