Player Interview 2: Fred Pearce

Player profile:
Name: Fred Pearce
Nickname: Fred the Head
Age: 32
Place of Birth: Kent
Nationality: English
Profession: Fireman
How recruited: Brockley Massiv/Duress
Special Move: Triple Salchow Piledrive Dodge

Hi Fred. Congratulations, you're part of the Awful Dodger's first competitive squad. What does this mean to you? What do you think you can add to the team?
It is a huge honour to be asked to play. In terms of adding to the team, I really think that my pasty white legs combined with fluorescent lighting could be a real distraction for the opposition.

You witnessed the awesome power of 'Dangerous' Brain Dimitriew at the taster sessions. How will his return to Canada affect the team and should we be recruiting more Canucks to improve our chances of success?
Brian Damage was a bit special. A player like him comes around once a generation. However the Awful Dodgers are not built around big name international signings. We will miss his throwing arm, unlike that poor woman in the 'taster' session. I didn't think she'd get up. Maybe it's for the best, I'm sure the Ottawa Dodgeball Courts will soon have an A+E department built in.
Some schools are famous for providing captains of industry, others for their contributaions to the arts. Having attended the same school as the captain of the Awful Dodgers what qualities did Tunbridge Wells Grammar School for Boys install in a young Steven that will hopefully make him an all-time-great Dodgeball Captain?
Steven has qualities that normal people just don't have. I think I'd better leave it there.

Fred.....it's time for the Awful Dodgers awfully dodgy questions.

What’s the dodgiest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Its hard to say but maybe I shouldn't have eaten the shellfish when I was flying that plane.

What’s the dodgiest film you’ve ever seen?
Definitely the Runaway Bride. It really was a poor man's Pretty Women.

Who is  the dodgiest person you know and why?
Have you met The Awful Dodgers ex NFL quarterback John Murray?

The Artful Dodger was a famous pickpocket. What was the last thing you stole? (be honest, within reason!)
Naturally, I have never stolen anything. I was tempted by the ashtrays that said 'Stolen from Virgin Cinemas' on the bottom. I wasn't sure if it was a clever marketing ploy.

On a scale of 1-10. (1 being ‘not at all’, 10 being ‘to the extreme’) How dodgy are you?
9.5

Player Interview 1: Jason Coggles

Jason has the honour of being the first 'AD' to secure victory in the Taster sessions.
Its time for an interview!!!!!!!

As part of The Awful Dodgers attempts to take over the world we will have an on-line presence to coincide with our opening fixture. Exciting stuff!





Player profile:
Name: Jason Coggles
Nickname: Twinkle Toes
Age: more than 30 (.............)
Place of Birth: Somewhere at the end of Felix's foot.
Nationality: English
Profession: Business Travel Consultant
How recruited: Drinks Club
Special Move: The Matrix Swerve

Hi Jason. You triumphantly secured the Dodgers first every victory at the taster session. Left in a 'last man standing' with the odds firmly stacked against you. What was going through your mind?
Aim for the head, protect the balls.

Wow Jason, that's amazing. Thanks for recruiting future Dodgeball Legend Vi Luu to the ranks. You've clearly got an eye for Dodgeball talent. (The AD's Peter Taylor to my Brian Clough.....I'm drunk as I write this). In your opinion what makes a great Dodgeball player?
You have to be very aggressive, ultra competitive and hopefully German.

Dodgeball UK has set its base up in London. Have they they missed a trick by not establishing themselves in your home town of Felixstowe? If you set up a team in Felixstowe what would you call it?
Well parts of the stowe are a bit rough so it would probably result in violence so no trick has been missed there. As for part 2 of the worst question in this interview how about 'Oh we all like to dodge beside the seaside'.?

Having worked for approx. 10 years in the travel industry. Where would you recommend for the 'Awful Dodger's' End of season tour?
If money was no object then an all expenses trip to Vegas. We could follow in the footsteps of not only the dodgeball film gang but also Wayne Rooney and the rest of the England wa*kers that lost us the World Cup again.

Sorry Jason, I've asked you this question before in a different context: We haven't seen your lovely wife since the wedding. Have you killed her again and buried her under yet another patio? If not.....why hasn't she paid any interest in appearing for the 'A. Dodgers'?
My lovely wife is alive and well but will not be appearing in any dodger activities as she believes every time she meets up with you that you are always drunk and trying to hit on her. Fact!

Jason.....it's time for the Awful Dodgers awfully dodgy questions.

What’s the dodgiest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Not strictly eaten but Snake wine in Vietnam. A combination of snakes, scorpions and a dead crow. Apparently it's good for virility and dodgeball.

What’s the dodgiest film you’ve ever seen?
Roadhouse. So awful it ends up being awesome. Patrick Swayze, Rednecks, Kung Fu Fighting and 80's hair do's. What more do you need?

The Artful Dodger was a famous pickpocket. What was the last thing you stole (be honest, within reason!) My wife's heart! (Urgghhh,  though as its still within the first year of marriage we'll let this one go Ed.)

Are you familiar with the work of 1990 Brit Pop Band ‘Dodgy'? If not, what would you recommend as the Dodger's theme tune?
Dodgy were a shocking approximation of the time and I wish never to think of them again so maybe we could have the theme tune to the Benny Hill Show?

See Jason in his pre-season training camp.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MyT6d4FWpw

On a scale of 1-10. (1 being ‘not at all’, 10 being ‘to the extreme’) How dodgy are you?
I'd say about an 8, aren't all men?